And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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