My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
