Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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