You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
