How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sorry about my life...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
