stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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