I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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