My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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