I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
