So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
