Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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