she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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