just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize