yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dignity is for republicans.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
