I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
