YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
