Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
