Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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