He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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