We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
