You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just gift wrapped bread.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
