I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
