i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
