I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
