You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
