I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the day after is always just damage control
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
