Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize