He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
