I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
