I looked at my own cervix.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
