cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
