Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
