I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
