from now on my penis is your penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
