What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
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