My underwear smells like fireworks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
