dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's always time for handjobs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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