so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
