We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
