i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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