So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
