Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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