I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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