it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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