living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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