I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
