i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
