i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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