Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We need to rekindle our bromance
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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