You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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