He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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