apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize