In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
