I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
