Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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