Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
