respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
