I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
