I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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