He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
