im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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