Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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