I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
