The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize