don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
