I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
