So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
