I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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