I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
