It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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