this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
