saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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